January 2011
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So, the dailies didn’t make it to LA… Turns out, they have been...
– Producer, #BurnNotice Prequel
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A Vegetarian's Life in Colombia
(INT. RESTAURANT. A WAITER ENTHUSIASTICALLY APPROACHES THE TABLE)
WAITER: Estás listo?
ME: Si. Yo soy vegetariano--
(WAITER LOOKS AT ME LIKE HE WAS JUST SLAPPED IN THE FACE. ABRUPTLY, HE TURNS AND LEAVES THE TABLE... NEVER TO RETURN.)
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Pre-Production Moments
(The PICTURE CAR DEPT shows us a laptop with picture of a CAR)
PICTURE CAR DEPT: Do you like this car for Sam Axe?
JEFFREY: Yeah, that's great!
PICTURE CAR DEPT: We cannot get this car.
(Pause. Picture Car Department gestures to another jpeg on the computer).
PICTURE CAR DEPT: How about this car? Do you like it?
JEFFREY: Perfect!
PICTURE CAR DEPT: This car is not available.
(Sigh.)
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Our generator is on fire. Don’t worry, we’re putting it out.
– 1st AD, #BurnNotice Prequel — only 2 hours into our first day of shooting.
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A Vegetarian's Life in Colombia
(INT. SURTIFRUVER DE LA SABANA - A MARKET SPECIALIZING IN TROPICAL FRUIT. I DROP AN UNUSAL FRUIT INTO MY BASKET).
Customer: You need help?
Me: Nope. Just shopping.
Customer: But that fruit...
Me: Yeah?
Customer: To eat it, you must cook it for hours.
Me: Ah...
(PAUSE. SHEEPISHLY, THE FRUIT IS RETURNED TO THE SHELF)
Customer: And that one there in your basket...
Me: Yeah?
Customer: Only for juice. Not for eating.
Me: Ah...
(PAUSE. ANOTHER FRUIT IS RETURNED TO THE SHELF)
Me: What about... this one?
Customer: Oh, is wonderful.
Me: Great!
Customer: But it won't be ripe for weeks.
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My movie is not about Vietnam… my movie is Vietnam.
– Francis Ford Coppola, Hearts of Darkness
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And, look, we can always light his arm on fire.
– Stunt Coordinator, #BurnNotice Prequel
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Pico y Placa
The traffic in Bogotá is bad.
Like really bad. For starters, it’s the most populated city in the country. So there’s that. In addition, the allegedly corrupt mayor, Samuel Moreno Rojas (soon to be suspended Mayor, actually), decided recently to begin construction on all of the roads in the entire city at the exact same time. So, at the moment, practically every road is torn up. The city...
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The Thrilling Adventure Hour: NEW PODCAST UP →
A brand new edition of the Official Thrilling Adventure Hour Podcast is now posted up on iTunes.
Recorded on May 1st, 2010, I directed this live performance of Sparks Nevada, Marshal On Mars, our serialized adventure from the Wildest West of all - outer space!
This action-packed episode is entitled: “Inside Out in Outer Space.”
Written by the brilliant Ben Acker & Ben Blacker;...
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Fact: You’re three weeks behind and you’ve been shooting for five...
– Tropic Thunder
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A Vegetarian's Life in Colombia
Waiter: Listo?
Me: Por favor, quiero the vegetable soup.
Waiter: With chicken?
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If this turns into an ALIVE situation, I won’t think twice about eating...
– Special Effects Foreman, #BurnNotice Prequel
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A Vegetarian's Life in Colombia
Waiter: Listo?
Me: Uh, yo soy vegetarian.
Waiter: Ah...
Me: So, tienes anything sin carne?
Waiter: Sin carne?
Me: Si. Anything.
(The waiter considers for a moment.)
Waiter: No.
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Wild Dogs
There are wild dogs all over Colombia. That should be no surprise: it’s practically a membership requirement of The G20. You can hardly call yourself a third world country these days if you don’t have packs of wild dogs roaming the streets. It’s all part of the charm.
While having breakfast with Bruce, he mentioned that when he did a film a few years ago in Bulgaria, their wild dogs would...
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The Thrilling Adventure Hour: NEW PODCAST UP →
A brand new edition of the Official Thrilling Adventure Hour Podcast is now posted up on iTunes.
Recorded on August 7th, 2010, I directed this live performance of our serial tale of ghosts, ghouls and gimlets - Beyond Belief.
This dark episode is entitled: “Hell Is the Loneliest Number.”
Written by the brilliant Ben Acker & Ben Blacker; Starring the boundless talents of...
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Lulo
Before coming to Colombia, I had never heard of lulo.
But my first morning, I saw a pitcher of bizarrely green juice sitting at the breakfast table. I asked the hotel’s waiter what it was, and he said, “jugo de lulo.” Try saying that five times fast.
Not comprehending his answer, I decided the best way to get to the bottom of this was to sample it. A nice, tall glass of...