November 2011
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Conversation With A Creepy Stranger
As I was getting into my car this morning, a shiny black sedan pulled up beside me. The window rolled down revealing a man in his mid-40s. He looked like the poor-man's CHRIS COOPER and he was wearing a flashy, rectangular bluetooth earpiece.
Here was our conversation:
CHRIS COOPER: Do you know anything about computers?
ME: What?
CHRIS COOPER: Computers? Do you know anything about computers?
ME: No.
(I start to climb into my car)
CHRIS COOPER: Do you know, maybe, some place nearby where I can go?
(I should just ignore this guy. Instead I say...)
ME: What kind of computer?
CHRIS COOPER: Intel, maybe? I was on the internet and... um... I downloaded something... and, um, now it's saying I got, like, a virus or something...
ME: There's a BestBuy just down the street. One of their Geek Squad guys could probably help.
(He rubs his forehead, stressed)
CHRIS COOPER: And I won't get in trouble?
(Huh?)
ME: Huh?
CHRIS COOPER: I can't get in trouble for this?
ME: Oh. Uh... no, I'm sure you'll be fine...
(Frustrated, he drives off)
It's gotta be a scam. But what scam was it? Had this freak got some sick malware virus from downloading a bunch of kiddie porn? Or was he a terrorist? What would have happened had I said, "Yeah, I know tons about computers!" Was he going to pull over on the side of the road and have some stranger clean his cache and repair his disk permissions while turning a blind eye to the 32 gigs of illegal Russian porn sitting on his desktop? Or was he going to club me and stuff me into his trunk? Either way, I think the point is, you gotta love my neighborhood...
